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6/11/2013 News of the Weird


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6/11/2013 from the Sick Fuck Files

Man said he put his penis in his passed-out 29-year old neighbor to save her life. CPR DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY   (FARK.com headline)

 Salt  Lake City Tribune – 6/10/2013

Police: St. George man claims he had sex with unconscious woman to ‘save’ her life

A 50-year-old St. George man is in trouble after he allegedly found a female neighbor unconscious on her front porch and allegedly claimed he had sex with her to try to warm her.

Rodger William Kelly told police he inserted his penis inside the unconscious 29-year-old on May 19 because “he was trying to save her life,” according to court documents.

“He said he did place it inside of her to try and get her temperature up,” police wrote in a probable cause statement filed in 5th District Court.

Police told Kelly that his actions amounted to rape. He was charged Monday with one count of first-degree felony rape. Rodger William Kelly, of St. George, was being held Tuesday at the Purgatory Correctional Facility in Washington County pending $25,000 bond, a jail spokeswoman said.

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Rodger William Kelly mugshot

Kelly told officers that he found the woman passed out in front of her apartment and brought her inside his apartment, changed her clothes and put her on his bed. He said he then lay down next to her and hugged her to try to get her temperature up because she had been outside, then attempted intercourse to warm her.

When police arrived, responding to an unconscious person call, they said they found Kelly inside his apartment giving the woman CPR.

 “We believe through the investigation and our evidence that his claim is just not correct,” said St. George Police Sgt. Sam Despain.

St George

Welcome to St. George Utah

The woman later told police she thought she might have been raped and recalled being dressed in a pair of the man’s underwear and shorts. She told police she had bruising on her pelvic and upper thighs, according to court documents.

The hospital was unable to complete a rape kit because the woman’s vaginal area was cleaned while she was sedated, according to court documents.

Kelly told police that the two previously were intimate, but admitted the woman had told him before the incident that she didn’t want to have sex with him again.

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Cops: Fake doc used Krazy Glue in butt surgery

Cops: Fake doc used Krazy Glue in butt surgery

That is seriously the excerpt breaking news headline from our friends at NBCnews.com for this story. There is so much WTF and WRONG and FAIL in this story I don’t even know where to start.

Florida police: Man posing as doctor gave silicone injections, sealed with Krazy Glue

By Brian Hamacher, NBCMiami.com

A Florida man is facing charges of unlicensed practice of health care causing serious bodily harm after he injected silicone into at least two patients’ buttocks at a motel room, according to a Palm Beach Sheriff’s Office arrest report obtained Wednesday.

 Calvin Edward Butler, 44, also known as Tamieka Butler, performed the injections at El Patio Motel dating back to June 2012, the report said.
butt surgery bandit

Calvin Edward Butler, butt-surgery Krazy Glue bandit

The first alleged victim, a woman, told detectives in December that she received injections from Butler at the motel four times between September and October, the report said.

The victim said she would disrobe from the waist down and Butler would use a felt tip pen to mark areas on her buttocks where Butler felt she “needed fullness,” according to the report.

Read more at NBCMiami.com

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WTFery Favorite Links, and some serious WTFery from the Interwebs 12/2/2012

12/1/2012: I…I have no words. Except maybe “ew”.

Life-sized chocolate baby heads are this season’s creepiest confection:

From the IO9 article by Lauren Davis: “For the cannibal with a sweet tooth and a strong stomach come these massive white chocolate sculptures sculpted to look like infants’ heads. Want to keep yourself from overindulging in sweets this holiday season? Every time you pick up a piece of chocolate, imagine on of these creepy things staring up at you.” Indeed.

Chocolate Baby Heads

Seriously. WTF. Life size chocolate baby heads, this season’s most ….WTFish confection.

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The line between science, humor and straight-up WTF-ery is blurry at best. An article on a site calling itself accelerated-bsn.net gives us x-rays and brief information about just this, in an article called “10 Shocking X-Rays of Sharp Objects Imbedded in People’s Bodies” . I guess potential nurses need to know this stuff, so they don’t screech in horror when – not if – they see these patients show up in the ER. Ouch. My question is, why do you need x-rays to determine the patient has a 3 foot sword stuck in their head, when the patient is sitting in front of you…with a 3 foot fracking sword stuck in their head! That’s how WTF-ery won out over humor and science. Because seriously, WTF? Don’t run with scissors.

Ouch

Scissors imbedded 3 inches deep in face.

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11/29/2012:OMGPDAXPQLOLBBQ only 25 shopping days till Christmas! Everybody panic! Spend money you don’t have, on stuff they don’t need, to show them you love them. Engage in mass marketing Pavlovian excess or feel like less than human! OK, perhaps that is just a tad overdramatic. I like getting presents as much as the next troll. I even actually like giving presents, especially if the recipient likes said presents. I hate hate HATE shopping in crowded places, however. Black Friday shopping appalls me, and makes me vaguely nauseous just thinking about it. I prefer to do all my shopping online, and only venture to places like Target during the non-holiday periods, and then only for necessities. I like deals, and sales, and discounts, and free stuff. Here are some savings codes at various places, for your OMGBBQLOL shoping.
Shop TaylorGifts.com for Free Shipping over $75. Ends 12/31/12. Use Promo code AFTGFS75.
Shell Shocker! Exclusive Daily Deals- the jaw-dropping savings will leave you in shock at Newegg.com
e.l.f. cosmetics Gift Cards make the perfect gift! Shop Gift Cards now!
Shop over 100 products under $25 at AdamEveToys.com! Shop Now!
Great Gift Idea! SAVE 10% OFF All Wine Recipe Kits from Midwest Supplies! Use promo code: MidwestHoliday. Offer valid 11/27/12-12/17/12. Click Here!
Find gifts for under $20 from Marbles the Brain Store.
Save up to 50% at The New York Times Store Winter Clearance Sale
Save Up to 70% on Sale Items at ChineseLaundry.com
Free Shipping Over $49 at PlanetShoes.com
Garden.com Clearance – up to 80% off!
Save big on children’s Christmas storybooks at Booksamillion.com. As low as $1.97! Shop today.
Buy 1 Get 1 50% Glassware from Spencer’s! Offer ends 12/26/12. Shop now!
Blowout Toy Sale, 75% Off
Printfinders.com Save 15% off entire site until December 15, 2011.
Great selections for the home or office. Use Promo code “PF15”

Links to some awesome WTF-ery Sites

 

FARK.com – a true classic, brought to you by Drew Curtis. A news aggregator site that bills it’s stuff as “not news”, among other things. Bookmark it. Subscribe to TotalFark for the best hilarity. http://www.fark.com/

Dark Roasted Blend – heavy on steampunk stuff, but also has awesome links to photos, videos, blogs, etc. http://www.darkroastedblend.com/

I Love Bacon – mostly poorly thought out signage, also some jokes and just funny pictures. http://www.ilovebacon.com/

Neatorama – one of my favorite sites for just about everything. Science, Humor, History, WTF-ery. Definitely bookmark worthy! http://www.neatorama.com/

Very Demotivational Posters – Sick of those posters at work “Courage”, “Integrity”, “Teamwork”? This site parodies them with user-uploaded content. Often WTF, almost always funny. http://memebase.cheezburger.com/verydemotivational

Failblog, another “cheezburger” family site, is reliably WTF. Showcases the weirdest of the weird, the failiest of fail. http://failblog.cheezburger.com/

Rotten.com – For serious WTF-ery, and NC-17/NSFW content, gross stuff, really weird news, the classic is http://rotten.com/

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Links to some awesome WTF-ery Sites

FARK.com – a true classic, brought to you by Drew Curtis. A news aggregator site that bills it’s stuff as “not news”, among other things. Bookmark it. Subscribe to TotalFark for the best hilarity. http://www.fark.com/

Dark Roasted Blend – heavy on steampunk stuff, but also has awesome links to photos, videos, blogs, etc.  http://www.darkroastedblend.com/

I Love Bacon – mostly poorly thought out signage, also some jokes and just funny pictures.  http://www.ilovebacon.com/

Neatorama – one of my favorite sites for just about everything. Science, Humor, History, WTF-ery.  Definitely bookmark worthy!  http://www.neatorama.com/

Very Demotivational Posters – Sick of those posters at work “Courage”, “Integrity”, “Teamwork”? This site parodies them with user-uploaded content. Often WTF, almost always funny.  http://memebase.cheezburger.com/verydemotivational

Failblog, another “cheezburger” family site, is reliably WTF. Showcases the weirdest of the weird, the failiest of fail.  http://failblog.cheezburger.com/

Rotten.com – For serious WTF-ery, and NC-17/NSFW content, gross stuff, really weird news, the classic is http://rotten.com/

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